They sucked before, and they suck now. We watched them before, and we watch them now. And everybody secretly loves one that the world hates. Here’s ten notable sequels and remakes (plus a few franchises), and my rantings. BEWARE: READING THIS WILL WASTE YOUR VALUABLE TIME (haha jk your time isn’t valuable)
Gladiator
Gladiator 2 is one of the few movies I’ve gone to theatres to see lately. I didn’t really care when I first heard about the sequel, because I had never watched the first one. I know this is a grievous sin, but I’ve already corrected it, so chill out. Anyways, my girlfriend and my friend Isaiah were shocked and disgusted that I hadn’t watched the first one, so I watched it in two parts with them (two parts because I work late and was too tired to finish it the first night). Then we all went to see the sequel together on a discount Tuesday (after work again, since the 2000s are just about being slaves to our jobs apparently).
Watching the first Gladiator was an experience I will not forget. There’s not much to say except, I was entertained. As for the second one, it’s not as good as the first (how could it be?), but I found it a worthy sequel. Where the other movie might score 9s and 10s, I felt like this one scored 7s and 8s. Overall it was good, but it just didn’t quite land like the first one. Whether it was the plot itself or the editing, I think it just felt a little muddied. The effects were pretty neat though. I heard some people don’t care for the sharks and the miniature naval battle, but I thought that part was a good time lol.
Alvin and the Chipmunks
I watched the 2007 movie in theatres as a young child with my family and relatives on Christmas Eve. For a few years, instead of long get-togethers at Grandma’s house, we would go see a movie instead and take pizza back to the house. I think that movie was chosen due to whatever nostalgia the Christmastime rodents brought up for the adults in the family. I suppose that’s the driving factor behind so many remakes. You have years of free advertising from the source material.
It was a pretty fun Christmas tradition, although it was short lived. Anyways, our family saw the sequel in theatres at Christmas as well lol, and at that age I didn't really think a movie could be bad. Like I thought that if a movie was made then it was decent. And I was the prime target for sequels, because I was a very character focused viewer. I had no problems with the sequel when I saw it, and honestly I haven't watched it recently enough to say that I would now. I just wanted to tell this story about Christmas.
There’s even a third movie, which I believe I also watched with the family for Christmas. I think that was the movie that ended the movie theatre tradition, and it's understandable. I think even as a child I realized it was not good for the soul.
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Pirates trilogy is really good. Some think the third movie is weak, but I disagree.
The fourth and fifth films fall short, though. I don’t think the fourth one is horrible, it’s just not as good as the others. I think that, amongst other things, Blackbeard wasn’t that interesting of a villain. The fifth one displays a misunderstanding of the character Jack Sparrow and what makes him loveable. I think the fourth and fifth movies failed to produce any characters as engaging as Will or Elizabeth were. Barbossa’s story is carried out and finished in a fairly meaningful way in the newer films, and I would say he is one of the few strongpoints of either.
It will be interesting to see if Disney really does want Johnny Depp back in any significant way as it continues the Pirates franchise. Unless they plan on really letting Johnny work and give his performance, then I’m afraid of his return feeling like a cheap cameo in a bad film. That said, I don’t mind the idea of newer pirate movies because I really like the concept of how the first one was based off the ride. Making more doesn’t feel as much like a cash grab because the idea of using the ride as a basis for a movie and its world is really neat. I also think the movies will be good only if they attempt to make their own stories and characters. But I just can’t say “no” to a Johnny Depp reprisal here. But let Jack be the character that Depp makes him and deliver a strong story with strong performances around him.
Star Wars
There’s so much that could be said here, especially coming from a big fan and a retired superfan. I’ll keep it short, though. Mostly for my sake because to write everything I have to say about this would take all night and I barely have enough writing time as it is.
The original trilogy is really good. Empire Strikes Back didn’t open quite as big as A New Hope did, but it was still the highest grossing film of its year. Return of the Jedi also did well. And as time goes on, those films have been cemented as a perfect trilogy.
The prequels are where opinions differ. This is my blog so this is my opinion. The prequels tell as good of a story as the OG trilogy, but each movie does not stand alone as well as A New Hope nor Empire. I think that The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones are both good movies, but they aren’t as good as they could be. There’s a couple fairly glaring issues such as the really awkward romantic dialogue in Attack of the Clones, but I think a lot of the problem is simply that The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones tell such a small part of the trilogy’s overall story. Revenge of the Sith holds the majority of the story, and in my opinion it is the best Star Wars film. Although the prequels had a negative internet reputation for years, once the prequel kids got older and jumped on the web, the internet became overall friendly towards the films, affirming that the prequels had been successful with their intended audience. Yes, children are the intended audience for Star Wars, and the few fans that disagree are crazy.
The sequels have a problem. There is not a unified story being told across the three films, and it is painfully obvious as well as admitted by cast and crew such as Adam Driver. That’s why I highly doubt these films will overcome the initial criticism like the prequels did. The prequels were bound to do well because they are COHESIVE movies that tell an actual story, rather than a frankensteined storyboard. The sequels have those greedy little corporate fingerprints from Disney (sad Mickey ears), and I cannot stress enough how they are so disconnected from each other.
I really enjoy The Force Awakens, and had JJ Abrams done the whole trilogy, I think the Star Wars franchise would be in a much better spot. Regardless of whether you think The Last Jedi is a good movie or not (there is a right answer lol), it feels nothing like a Star Wars movie. To make matters worse, The Last Jedi writer/director Rian Johnson discarded major plot points set up by JJ Abrams in The Force Awakens, and The Rise of Skywalker was destined to fail at blending the other two films together. I’m nerding out too much, and if you are still reading this, thank you. I'm not gonna summarize this because it is already too long, and now I’m depressed about the sequels again. I miss the original hype era when The Force Awakens was released. Before The Last Jedi. Before the dark times.
Toy Story
I don’t really like watching Quentin Terentino interviews or podcasts because he weirds me out. His face just gives me weird vibes. But he makes really good movies, and so I’ll gladly accept his agreement that the Toy Story trilogy is perfect. He wasn’t agreeing with me specifically, he was just answering a question on a podcast or something, but he does agree with me. I just wanted to clarify that. Anyways, each movie is an example of Pixar storytelling at its best. The movies have so much heart, so much imagination, and some of the best jokes. I think Toy Story and Toy Story 2 have some of the funniest jokes out of any Pixar movies.
Toy Story 3 is one of the most emotional and satisfying endings to any trilogy ever. The perfect ending to the first trilogy is really the only major reason that I have slightly mixed feelings on Toy Story 4. In a way, I don’t have mixed feelings. The story is strong; it feels like old school Pixar, and the animation is absolutely stunning. I feel like the movie does mishandle Buzz Lightyear’s character a bit, though. He is reduced to comic relief too often. He’s worn that mask a little more often as the films and short films have continued to be released, but this time his general intelligence was reduced. That just doesn’t feel fair to the character.
The movie is just as emotional as Toy Story 3, which is impressive, but in some ways it feels like the emotional theme in this film slightly contradicts the theme of the trilogy. The trilogy is all about the gang sticking together and supporting their kid, while Toy Story 4 ends with Woody leaving his kid and the gang behind so that he can be with his girl. It is executed so well that I hate saying anything bad, but the contradiction is a little uncomfortable. Toy Story 5 is on the way, and I kinda wish it wasn’t. But, of course I will go watch it. They haven’t messed it up yet.
Top Gun
Maverick is a really good sequel. It’s about as close to being the same movie as it can be without being a problem. It even feels like a movie made in the 80s, and everything the first movie does well, this once does the same. The through lines and callbacks don’t feel too forced or cheesy, and the action in the air is soooo fun to watch. As much as I like any excuse to hate on Tom Cruise, this sequel isn’t one of them. Good thing there’s the Mission Impossible franchise to make fun of him for lol.
The Equalizer
Overall, disappointing sequels. I think Denzel delivers really good performances every time, and the second and third ones are maybe worth watching to see what he does with the character. But the sequels are just not as good. The first movie is such a simple, primal story, similar to John Wick or Taken. But the sequels just try too hard. The stories and the action get more exotic, but in a reaching way. The last battle in the second one falls short; it’s too poetic and technical. And the third movie has some really cool moments, but the story and almost every character other than Denzel's feel bland.
John Wick
All four of these movies are so sick. The character has continued to remain clouded by his lack of dialogue, but Mr. Wick’s stoic front has been peeled back just enough to satisfy. Keanu Reeve’s performance goes down as one of the best in action film. Reeve’s skills in gun handling combined with crisp and exciting cinematography makes for some of the coolest action sequences ever, and each movie they keep getting better. The action sequences are cooler and bigger and better in each movie, and the franchise has opened the door for a new era of action films. Let’s hope the rumored John Wick 5 can keep up the pace.
Despicable Me
It hurts. How is it still happening? The first movie was good, and maybe one or two of the sequels and Minions spinoffs are okay, but honestly what the hell. I used to think the minions were so funny and now I get the urge to grab a toaster every time I see one.
Extra Rantings
Sequels are strange because they change the rules of the movie watching experience a little bit. Normally, when you see a new film you are going in blind with no predetermined connection to the story (modern trailers have made that less true, but I’m glad to see a lot of people are choosing to not watch trailers anymore). A movie has a couple minutes to introduce you to EVERYTHING and convince you that you want to be there. A sequel or remake is different because you have predetermined ideas and opinions on the world, characters, and plot. These ideas are based on the source material, obviously, and I think this is why sequels typically do best when they are very similar to the original, such as films like Maverick or The Force Awakens. I’m not saying you can’t do a remake or sequel that is different, but the risk involved with doing something drastically different with a preexisting IP is sketchy. If you don’t do a really, really, really good job then people will hate it. And if you do just a really good job (instead of really, really good) then a lot of people will still hate it.
This is awesome, Greg!! I laughed a bunch of times and also agree with most of what you said 😉😂